


New year, new life

by twdeadfanfic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Language, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22053241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdeadfanfic/pseuds/twdeadfanfic
Summary: Pre-apocalypse. Daryl and Y/N have known each other since they were kids, both their brothers being in the same biker club. Reader is in an abusive relationship, and after his husband left her alone for new year’s, she goes to spend the evening with Daryl, and she ends up gathering the courage to leave her husband.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & You, Daryl Dixon & reader, Daryl Dixon x Reader - Relationship, Daryl Dixon/Reader, Daryl Dixon/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not really into Christmas but I got an idea for a one-shot forthe holdays.

You wrapped your coat tighter around you as you rushed down the streets, shivering as the cold air hit you. You were also wearing a big shawl covering most of your face, leaving only your eyes on sight, but the evening was cold. You let out a relieved sigh when you saw light inside Daryl’s trailer.

You had hoped he’d be at home, and now you hoped he was alone, buut you were more or less sure he would, no matter that night was new year’s eve. In all the years you had known him, he’d never been one to have visitors, besides you or his brother, and you had known him for plenty of years by now.

You both met when you were kids, since both your older brothers were in the same biker club. You both became friends over the years, you didn’t have many, and Daryl hadn’t been easy to befriend. By now, though, he was the only friend you had left, and you wouldn’t trade him for anything, no matter he wasn’t the more social or how harsh he could be. You knew he cared. You had a crush on him, back then, couldn’t help yourself, but you were a married woman now. Your feelings for him never quite fade, mostly they were…dormant if anything, but you knew Daryl would hold a special place in your heart forever.

When Daryl and you were in your late teens, your brother had died in a bike accident, leaving you alone in the world since you had no other family, and Daryl’d been there for you, taking care of you and keeping you sane and safe.

Most of the guys at the club had been there for you after your brother’s death too, no one quite like Daryl, but they had tried to help in their own way. Soon, though, you had begun dating the man who was your husband now, whom you had married as soon as you legally could, and he was quite demanding of your time, so you had ended up distancing yourself from everyone else.

But Daryl was your best friend, you couldn’t just stop seeing him, he was the only friend who you had managed to keep, and the only one who seemed not to have given up on you.

And there you were, several years later, once again going to Daryl’s when you didn’t know what to do with yourself, selfishly hoping that he didn’t have any new year’s eve plans. He wasn’t one for celebrations, never had been. You hadn’t been able to visit him on Christmas’ eve, though you had managed to sneak a brief visit the afternoon of Christmas’s day to give him your present.

It was something handmade, always was, it was some sort of tradition between you two, that you started when both of you were young, almost kids. No one of you had much money to spare then, neither now, and so you stuck to your handmade little presents. You also thought it had more charm like that.

That year you had found a small circular piece of wood and you had varnished it and painted an owl on it, since Daryl spent so much time in the woods, you thought it was fitting. You would have liked to paint a deer, but you weren’t that skilled. You weren’t much of a painter, but you thought the owl looked cute enough. Daryl had smiled when he saw it, making a warm and fluffy feeling spread through you.

This year, Daryl had made you a pendant, using some metal’s and car light’s scrapes. You couldn’t believe he could have turned that into a pendant, specially one that looked so pretty. You loved it. You had hid it so your husband wouldn’t see it, afraid of him getting the wrong impression. He hated your friendship with Daryl enough as it was, you didn’t want more trouble.

You were wearing it now, though, and you slid your hand under your shawl to play with it nervously after knocking on Daryl’s door, waiting and hoping for him to open. He did, frowning at you.

“Hi, it’s a bad moment?” You asked, wondering if maybe he had plans or didn’t want company.

“Nah…just…you ain’t celebrating or something?” Daryl muttered and you shrugged awkwardly.

“Yeah, well…Rian’s not home, I think he must be at the bar or…I don’t know… “You were embarrassed to admit your husband had left you alone on new year’s eve. “So…didn’t know what to do…thought maybe you were alone too…”

“I don’t care about being alone,” Daryl said, scoffing. You should have guessed.

“Okay…I’m sorry, I’ll leave, just…happy new year and all that.” You gave him and awkward, tense mile, turning to leave, but Daryl reached to stop you.

“No, wait, I didn’t…didn’t mean…just, come in.” Daryl let out a sigh.

“You don’t mind?”

“No, come on.” He walked inside the trailer and you followed him, unwrapping your shawl. Daryl’s frown deepened as he looked at you and he held your chin before you could try to look away, inspecting your split lip…You had forgotten about it. “He did this, didn’t him?” He growled, letting go of your chin just to roughly tug up the sleeves of your coat, reveling the bruises.

Without a word, Daryl rushed out of the trailer and you knew he was going to the bar looking for your husband, and so you ran behind him, stopping in front of him. “No, Daryl.” He ignored you, pushing you to the side, fuming, and he kept walking fast. You rushed to stop in front of him again, placing your hands on his chest, trying to stop him.

“Please, Daryl, please, let it go. Please?” You begged, your eyes getting wet, and you knew Daryl was furious still, but he stopped trying to push you away from him, something going through his eyes as he looked at your tears. He hated to see you cry, you knew it, but you couldn’t help it this time. “It’s new year’s, I just want to spend it with someone I care about, I don’t want anything to ruin it more, please.” Daryl seemed torn, but finally he nodded, placing a hand on your shoulder and walking you both back into the trailer.

It wouldn’t have been the first time that Daryl got into a fight with your husband. The first had been when he had seen your bruises for the first time, after you failed to hide them, and he had put two and two together without you needing to say anything. He had grabbed your arm and ignored you while you struggled and tried to tell him that it was okay and not what it looked like, pushing you into his trailer and telling you not to go back near your husband, before he went for Rian.

You had gone back to him, though, and the next time, and the next.

You always did your best to hide your bruises, and whenever Daryl noticed them, you tried to stop him from getting into a fight your husband, you didn’t want him ending up hurt because of you too.

Every time Daryl and your husband fought, Rian would get angrier at you and took it out on you afterward. You’d never say that to Daryl, not wanting him to feel guilty.

But no matter the fights, no matter how Daryl threatened him if he ever touched you again, your husband never listened to him. The same that you never listened when he told you to leave Rian.

Once back inside the trailer, you took off your coat, self-consciously tugging at the sleeves of your shirt. You sat down on the tattered sofa, looking at your hands on your lap, awkward.

You noticed Daryl stopping in front of you, reaching down to hold your chin, tilting your head up, though you averted your eyes. He huffed looking at your lip and he let go of your face to pace around the trailer.

“You gotta leave that shit!”

“Daryl…” You didn’t know what to say, how to explain it.

“What? You don’t care that prick does this to you?!” Daryl snapped and you flinched at his harsh tone. He noticed and you heard him taking a deep breath. His voice was still angry but softer the next time he spoke. “This ain’t right, Y/N, you know it. Don’t go telling me you love him or any of that shit.”

“He’s my husband…” You said weakly, trying not to cry.

Daryl walked in front of you, reaching to hold your chin again, gentler this time, and his thumb brushed the skin near your split lip carefully. “This shit ain’t right.”

“I know…” You murmured.

“Then leave.” Daryl let go of your face to sit down at the other end of the sofa.

“I can’t,” you said, voice full of dread.

“’ Course you can.” Daryl scoffed.

“No. I don’t have nothing but him…I live in his place, I eat because he buys us food…I have nothing Daryl, no job, nothing I’m good at, I didn’t even finish high school…” You dropped out to marry your husband as soon as you could.

“Didn’t finish it either.” Daryl shrugged.

“Yeah, but you’re good at lots of stuff,” You said and Daryl scoffed, shaking his head. “I’ve seen you built a bike from nothing, and look at what you made me.” You grabbed your new pendant, holding it tight, as if it could bring you comfort. “But I can’t do nothing. I’m good at nothing.”

“Stop that shit.”

“No, it’s true. So I leave him and what? I have nowhere to go, no money, nothing.” Everything you had, it was your husband’s.

“Ain’t true. And you can come here, ain’t like you have to go living on the streets or nothing.”

You looked at him, trying to see if he meant it. He was looking at the floor not at you, but he was him, of course he meant it. But it didn’t feel fair, that Daryl had to pay for your mistakes, letting you leave under his roof and feeding you like he did when you lost your brother, until you could provide for yourself. You didn’t want to be such a burden again.

“I can’t do that, Daryl…”

“This ain’t good enough for you or what now?” Daryl snapped, and you could feel him getting all defensive. You couldn’t believe that after all those years of friendship he’d still say something like that to you. Sometimes he could be really…himself.

“No, of course not! But, I don’t want to be a bother and a burden like that, Daryl, it’s not fair to you. But thank you.” You gave him a sad but grateful smile and Daryl frowned at you.

“The fuck you saying? You ain’t no bother or no burden.” Daryl scoffed, frowning and shaking his head as if you were being silly, and you began to fidget again. “You go and pick your things, and you tell that prick to never come near you, and then you come here. You’ll think what to do after that, but things will be better.”

“I…” You chewed on your lower lip, wincing when you hurt your wound, and feeling a lump of emotion in your throat. “I’ll think about it…”

Daryl scoffed again, leaning back on the sofa. “You ain’t never leaving, there’s no point on me saying shit, being doing it for years, but there you are.” He waved at your lip and the bruises hidden under your sleeves.

“It’s not easy…” You whispered. Daryl looked at you as if he wanted to say something, but then he didn’t. You hated to disappoint him, but you didn’t know what else to do…

For some minutes, you both sat there in silence, until you decided to speak. “Hey…so…it’s new year’s eve!” You faked excitement, badly, judging by Daryl’s arched eyebrow. “And…I’d cooked dinner, but then I had no one to dine with…so I brought some…so maybe…if you want…” You grabbed your big bag, reaching inside and taking out two containers that luckily were lukewarm after you reheated them before going. “It’s nothing special, just mashed potatoes, and there’s some baked fish…But if you want…maybe we could have dinner?”

Daryl nodded at you, giving you a small half-smile, and you found yourself finally relaxing. He got up and made his way to the kitchen, and you followed him. He passed you two forks and a plate with some roasted rabbit that you were sure he had hunted himself.

“Can I have a glass of water?” You asked timidly.

“I got something better.” Daryl opened a cabinet and took out a bottle of whiskey, smirking when you arched an eyebrow at him. “It’s new year’s, ain’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”

You both went back to sit down on the sofa and you began dining, drinking, and talking. “Take it easy.” Daryl chuckled when you gulped down another big sip of whiskey, and he ate another mouthful of your baked fish. “It’s good,” he said appreciatively as he munched, and you smiled and blushed at his unexpected compliment.

“Thanks…”

You both ended up stuffing yourself in food, eating everything while you talked about years long gone, and you drank more whiskey than you ever had, but hell, Daryl was right, it was new year’s after all.

“I’m kind of tipsy…” You giggled, leaning against the armrest as you looked at Daryl with a smile on your face that you hadn’t had in too long, all your troubles almost forgotten for a little while.

“I can see that.” Daryl chuckled, looking at you with that crooked smile of him that you loved since the first time you saw it, when you both were kids.

“I haven’t had this fun in…shit, I don’t even remember…” You let out a sigh, looking at Daryl with a fond smile. “This is my best new year’s in…well, years.”

“Really?” Daryl waved at his trailer. “Well, that’s sad,” he joked, but you noticed the worry in his eyes.

“Thank you…” You whispered and Daryl just shrugged. You tried to look for something else to say, something happy. “Hey, do you remember that new year’s eve at the club, the one when Merle tried to actually drive the bike into the club but was too drunk to even hold it right?” You both used to spend the holidays in that club, since your brother and you had no other family, and Daryl and Merle would rather be anywhere than with their asshole of a father.

“Yeah…” Daryl snorted.

You both kept talking about memories that weren’t awful, and before you knew it, you heard some firecrackers and people celebrating.

“I guess it’s a new year,” Daryl said, looking at you with fondness and that crooked smile.

You didn’t know why, but before you knew what you were doing, you had leaned in and kissed his lips, something that you had managed to stop yourself from doing during all those years crushing on him, but for some reason, you weren’t able to hold yourself back now.

“The fuck?!” Daryl pulled away from you, looking at you with wide eyes, and you covered your mouth in embarrassment.

“Shit…shit, Daryl, I’m sorry!” You apologized, blushing up to your ears. “It’s just…people kiss at midnight and…shit, I’m drunk…and…I’m sorry, Daryl…” You hid your face on your hands.

“It’s okay…” Daryl murmured, though he sounded very awkward and uncomfortable, and as you peeked at him through your fingers, you saw him all blushed too.

“I’m really, really sorry…” You apologized again.

“Stop it.”

“Okay…”

You fidgeted awkwardly for some minutes, embarrassed. “I should go…” you said, though you glanced through the window with apprehension. You didn’t live far, but you didn’t like the idea of walking through the dark streets of your town so late in such a night, and thinking of your husband coming home drunk made you shudder.

“You can stay, it’s late.” Daryl offered, but you didn’t want to bother him like that. He seemed to notice your reluctance. “Or I’ll give you a ride home.”

“I can walk.” Daryl had had his fair share of whiskey too, so you didn’t want him taking his bike for you, even if he seemed good.

“Nah, you ain’t walking home this late while you are drunk…I’ll walk you.”

You were feeling like such a bother, you didn’t know what to do. “No…just… I can stay on your sofa.”

“You’re taking the bed,” Daryl grumbled, and you wanted to argue but you knew you it wouldn’t take you anywhere, just to spend more time arguing.

“Thank you.”

“Ain’t nothing.”

There was some silence again, in which you debated about drinking more or not, and Daryl arched an eyebrow when you went to reach for the bottle. “You said it was new year’s, didn’t you?” Daryl nodded, taking the bottle himself and taking a long sip. “How can’t you not be like, super drunk?”

“Dunno…used to it I guess…you know how much it took to get Merle drunk, right?”

“Yeah…” You chuckled, taking a shot of whiskey. “So, you got any resolutions for the new year or something?”

Daryl scoffed. “What matters it’s a new year? Nothing changes. Same old shit.”

“Well, that’s depressing.” You snorted. “But you’re right. Same old shit, nothing’s gonna ever change,” you said bitterly, taking another sip, and Daryl reached out to take the bottle from your hand.

“You could change it…” Daryl muttered, and you knew what he meant.

“Daryl…” You went to say once again how you couldn’t, but he stopped you.

“You could. Told you already. Told you a million times.”

“It’s not easy…”

“Easier than you think. Stay here and don’t go back with that damn prick.”

“He’ll come for me.”

“He can try and I’ll kick the shit out of him,” Daryl growled and you knew he meant it. You didn’t want him getting hurt, but you knew he wouldn’t like it if you said that.

“I have nothing…”

“That ain’t true.” Daryl held your gaze for once and you knew, you got him. You didn’t know what to say, and you let yourself fall against the arm rest, letting out a sigh. “Come on, get your drunk ass in bed.”

You grumbled tiredly, you didn’t want to move, you hadn’t realized how tired and how drunk you were until you closed your eyes, and you never felt safer and more relaxed than when you were with Daryl. He got up and grabbed your arm, tugging you onto your feet unceremoniously. Blood seemed to rush to your head and you felt dizzy. You winced, closing your eyes.

“You ain’t puking on me, are you?” Daryl asked.

“No…well…I’m not sure.”

Daryl rolled his eyes bit smirked, helping you get to the bed and sit down. You scooted to sit down against the headboard, hugging your knees to your chest and watching as Daryl walked to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water that he left on the table next to you.

He sat down at the edge of the bed and looked at you with mild concern. “You okay?”

“Yeah…” You nodded. “Yeah, actually…better than in a long while. Thank you, Daryl.”

“For getting you drunk?” He joked shyly.

“No. For spending new year’s eve with me, for having me, making me have fun and laugh…” You smiled softly, even if you felt that lump of emotion closing your throat again. “For taking care of me…for being there for me, even if I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t say that shit.” Daryl scolded you. “Only thing you don’t deserve? That.” He pointed at your split lip. “But you won’t listen to me.”

“It’s not that…” You whispered, but you felt something inside you shifting.

Daryl didn’t say anything else, just looked at you and you looked at him, both of you silent. You didn’t know what had changed in you, but you felt like something had…or maybe you were just too drunk, you didn’t know.

“Daryl…” You whispered.

“Hmm hmm?” He averted his eyes, looking away.

“I got a new year’s resolution.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m going to do it. I’m going to leave him.” You could barely force the words out of your mouth, but once you did, you knew you meant it. Even if it terrified you. But you knew…you weren’t alone.

Daryl looked at you at that. “For real?”

“For real.” You smiled, even if you were scared, even though your eyes were wet.

Daryl said nothing, just smiled in that way of his, and to you, it was reassuring. You knew that as soon as the alcohol left your system, you would be more terrified, and you could only hope you wouldn’t change your mind.

Daryl reached out his hand, leaving it on the bed next to you, palm up, and looked away shyly. You smiled, placing your hand on his, lacing your fingers as his hand closed to hold yours.

No, you wouldn’t change your mind. Not this time. You had to be brave, you had Daryl by your side to be brave, he had your back, always had, when you left them. You were going to do it.

New year, new life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One year later, I wrote a second part for this fic! I've divided in in two chapters because it was long but I'll post them in one go.

_One year later..._

You glanced towards your watch…eleven in the evening, late, but not unusual late for the patrons that went to the bar in which you had been working for a few months by now, your shift ending late at night. They were always the same people, ordered the same, and got drunk almost every single night, but at least they weren’t angry drunks, just sad drunks, and it didn’t seem like this night they had changed their routine, despite being new year’s.

Despite the drunken patrons every single night, the bar was a quiet one, owned by a married couple, almost old enough to retire, that knew your struggles and had offered you the job. They couldn’t pay much, but it was a job, a kind offer, so you were glad for it, and you felt less of a burden for Daryl now that you had your own money, he’d been paying for all your stuff since he took you in, a year ago.

You had spent new year’s last year with him, your best new year’s in so, so long, and when once more Daryl had told you to leave the abusive piece of shit that you called husband back then, somehow, at that moment you had found the strength to say yes.

_Then…_

You were asleep on Daryl’s bed, him having taken the couch, when loud knocks on the trailer door woke you. You groaned, opening your eyes, it was still dark, though a candle illuminated the trailer, as if Daryl hadn’t wanted to leave you in complete darkness, and a glance to the old clock near Daryl’s bed told you that the sun would come up in a few hours.

You had a pounding headache, you had drunk too much last night when you weren’t used to do so, but the sound of your husband’s voice made you feel sober in a second.

“Y/N, are you in there, you bitch?! Of course you are! Y/N! Y/N get here right now!” So he hadn’t found you at home and had gone looking for you to the only place you always ran to…

“Daryl…” You saw him getting up for the couch.

“Stay back,” he growled and before you could tell him not to open and just ignore it, he was already yanking the door open.

“She’s here, isn’t she?” You heard your husband, Daryl’s body covered most of the door frame so you couldn’t see him, even if you got up from the bed. “Fucking you behind my back like she’s been doing all those years? Come out here, you ungrateful bitch!”

“Shut your mouth now!”

You gasped when you saw Daryl shoving your husband back, and he was drunk enough to fall back onto the ground.

“I’m gonna kill you, you bastard!” Your husband threatened from the ground, drunkenly trying to get up, but Daryl was already on him, punching him and pinning him down.

“Told you to shut your mouth!” Daryl growled. “She ain’t gonna go with you anymore, she’s gonna leave you, you piece of shit!”

“Leave me?” Your husband laughed drunkenly. “Yeah? And what’s she gonna do without me, that useless bitch? She’s gonna fuck you so you take care of her? She got you like that again?” He scoffed. “She ain’t gonna leave me, I’m her husband…so come out here right now, Y/N, or I’m gonna go to get you, and you ain’t gonna like it!”

You knew that Daryl wouldn’t let your husband hurt you, but you were shaking anyway, and you flinched when he yelled for you. You didn’t want him hurting Daryl either, it wouldn’t be the first time that they fought, but your husband was so drunk that you thought he wouldn’t be able to fight Daryl back…you worried anyway, though…

Daryl punched your husband again and dragged him back onto his feet, holding him by his shirt. “Shut the fuck up,” he growled again. “She’s gonna leave you, we’re gonna go get her stuff in the morning and you ain’t gonna be there, you got it? And you ain’t gonna show your face here ever again, you ain’t gonna be near her again, you ain’t gonna even glance at her ever again, alright?” Daryl growled, and even you had to admit that he could be really scary when he wanted to.

“What if I do?” Your husband scoffed, trying to get off Daryl’s hold, but he didn’t let go.

“Then you ain’t got no face anymore!” Daryl yelled at him. “You ain’t gonna getting near her ever again, you hear me?! Get the fuck out of here.” Daryl pushed your husband backward, and he stumbled but that time he managed to stay on his feet, and he tried to punch Daryl, but he was too drunk and uncoordinated, and Daryl dodged it, punching him instead before giving him another hard shove. “Told you to get the fuck out of here, before I change my mind and punch the shit out of you!”

Your husband tried to look past Daryl, into the trailer where you were watching them, but Daryl didn’t allow it, pushing him hard again, and for a moment you thought your husband was going to try to fight back again, but he seemed to realize that he was too drunk to come on top, and so he just scoffed, called you a bitch again, got another hard shove from Daryl, and stumbled away.

You knew that it wouldn’t be so easy if or when he came back sober, and that Daryl would get into a fight with him for you, as he had done many times before, that he’d get hurt so your husband wouldn’t drag you away…your husband was going to be so angry, even angrier once he weren’t drunk…

Once your husband couldn’t be seen anymore, Daryl walked into the trailer, locking the door, looking so angry that it was intimidating, but he seemed to soften when his eyes found you, a shaking, crying mess on the floor.

“Y/N, hey, hey…” Daryl knelt down next to you and he cupped your face, gently making you look at him. “Hey…it’s gonna be okay…he’s gone, he ain’t gonna hurt you, okay, he’s gone.”

“He’ll be back…” You sniffed.

“Nah…nah he knows what will happen to him if he does…” Daryl said. “I ain’t letting him get near you again, I ain’t letting him hurt you ever again.”

You shook your head. “He’ll be back…he’ll hurt you…hurt you because of me…” You didn’t want that, you never wanted it, you hated it, enough people had hurt Daryl without having to add your husband to it, he didn’t deserve that, and it was your fault.

“He can try,” Daryl scoffed, but you had seen him end up hurt when fighting with your husband, both them ending bloodied and bruised, and he’d gotten a broken lip once. You didn’t want that again. You went to say something but Daryl didn’t let you. “No. You ain’t ever going back to him, he ain’t gonna hurt you anymore, okay?”

Daryl looked into your eyes, not avoiding your gaze like sometimes he still did despite having being friends since you were kids…you wanted to stay there with him, where you felt safe and cared for, you didn’t want Daryl to get hurt, but you didn’t want to go back to your husband, and you were so scared thinking what he might do to you after that night.

“Okay…” You nodded weakly.

Daryl gave you a small smile, reaching out to caress your cheek softly, brushing your tears. Then he leaned to kiss your forehead, and you couldn’t stop yourself from wrapping your arms around him, snuggling to him. You knew that Daryl wasn’t used to giving affection, that he struggled with it, yet there he was, holding you and stroking your hair while you shook and cried again.

“Come on, let’s get you to the bed, try to sleep until the morning, okay?” Daryl told you eventually, cupping your face to make you look at him again.

You nodded, sniffing, even though you were sure you couldn’t fall asleep again, but you didn’t want Daryl to have to be up all night because of you. You were going to get up, but Daryl just scooped you into his arms, picking you up from the floor and walking a couple of steps before carefully lowering you onto the bed.

“There you go…try to rest.”

“Wait…” You didn’t let go of Daryl’s arm, still feeling shaken and scared, and feeling like if Daryl wasn’t near you, your resolution to be brave would disappear, fear filling you instead. “Could…could you…” You bit your lip shyly before finishing the sentence.

It seemed Daryl knew what you meant, and he seemed hesitant, but finally he swallowed hard and nodded, sitting down on the bed and half lying against the wall, and you curled up to him, timidly resting your arm across his chest.

“Is this okay?” You whispered, hoping he’d trust you enough to tell you the truth and not be uncomfortable just for your sake, feeling how stiff he was. “Are you uncomfortable?”

“It’s okay…” Daryl murmured, and he swallowed hard again, but he too placed his arm over you ever so gently. “Get some rest.”

You were sure you weren’t going to be able to sleep, you were still shaken, but you didn’t feel so scared lying next to Daryl, his arm over you, feeling his warmth and his heartbeat under your palm, eventually lulling you into sleep.

You woke up when the first rays of sun started to slowly illuminate the trailer, and you were confused for a moment, hungover and sleepy, until you realized that you were on Daryl’s trailer…not only that, but sleeping beside him, your arm over him, his hand on your shoulder… Oh…yeah, new year’s…your dinner with Daryl, getting drunk, laughing, being happy, and…and your husband, coming for you, yelling, Daryl stopping him…For a moment, your resolution to leave your husband almost left you, as fear at the memory of your husband filled you, but the feeling of Daryl’s arm around seemed to reassure you, making you feel safe and protected, brave almost…You ventured a look at his face and realized that he was awake, looking at you.

“Hey…uh…” You pulled back. “I uh…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Daryl rasped.

“No, I mean…I…I’m sorry about everything.” You gestured vaguely around. You were sorry about running to him every time, making him be there for you, get into fights with your husband, get hurt, burdened by having to take you in once more, always taking care of you, when you had brought all of it onto yourself, and also now there you were, sleeping almost over him, making him awkward probably…

“Hey.” Daryl stopped your train of thought, placing his knuckles under your chin to lift your head. “You got nothing to be sorry about. Okay?” You nodded, even though you felt a lump in your throat. “I’m gonna get you some breakfast.”

Daryl got up from the bed and began fumbling with the stove, getting some eggs from his small fridge while you looked at him from the bed.

“Can I help?”

“Nah, it’s fine.”

You got up and went to help anyway, letting him cook the scrambled eggs while you washed the dishes and cutlery that you both had used last night. Once he was done, Daryl placed both your plates on the table.

“How’s your head?” He asked you while he poured you a cup of black coffee. “Hangover?”

“Could be worse,” you said and took a sip of the coffee, grimacing. “Jeez, this is disgusting.”

“Thanks,” Daryl snorted, but he nodded and grimaced when he sipped the coffee. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“It’s what we deserve for having drunk the entire bottle of whiskey by ourselves.”

Daryl and you had breakfast in silence, though you could see Daryl sneaking glances at you, but he didn’t speak until you finished your food.

“Y/N…you are really leaving him, ain’t you? You’re staying here and not going back with that prick, yeah?”

“I…I don’t want to be a nuisance for you…” You said quietly, chewing on your lip.

“You ain’t, I told you a million times…” Daryl rolled his eyes. “You changed your mind? Come on, you can’t go back with that asshole.”

“I don’t want to…” You murmured, feeling a lump in your throat and anxiety gripping your heart at the idea.

“Then you ain’t going to, you’re staying here.”

“Thank you…” You said quietly. “For everything…I’m sorry, Daryl…I…”

“Shut it,” Daryl told you, his words harsh but his touch was gentle when he reached to squeeze your hand briefly. He got up, taking your plates to wash them. “We’ll go to get your things, okay?”

You swallowed hard but nodded. You were worried, though, wondering what would happen if your husband was at home, what would he do to you? Would he hurt Daryl too? They’d fight for sure…maybe it wasn’t a good idea to go…but you needed your things. You thought you remembered Daryl last night telling your husband not to be there when you picked your things in the morning, but you weren’t sure he would listen…

“It’ll be okay,” Daryl assured you, and you could only hope that he was right.

Once there, Daryl walked before you into the small flat that you shared with your husband, in case Rian was there, but it didn’t seem so…Daryl had stopped at the door, though, wasn’t walking in, and you frowned as you waited at the other side of the open door.

“Daryl?”

“Maybe we should, uh…” He began to turn around as if to walk outside, and you didn’t know what was happening, you couldn’t hear Rian. You went to walk in but Daryl reached to hold your arm.

“What’s going on?” If Rian was passed out on the couch, you were used to it, if you were lucky he wouldn’t wake up while you picked up your scarce belongings. You walked past Daryl, looking into the living room.

Your husband wasn’t there, but in the middle of the room, you could see your scarce clothes scattered around, torn and ripped…but that wasn’t the worst.

It seemed that your husband had searched the whole place, cupboards and drawers had been opened and emptied, everything was thrown here and there, and he had found your stash, where you kept your more precious possession hidden from him, the gifts that Daryl had made you over the years and a stack of old photographs, most of them with your late brother.

“No…no, no no…”

You dropped onto your knees next to the mess, looking around, feeling your heart breaking. Every gift that Daryl had made you with any material that could break, was broken, smashed, torn to pieces…even a little piece of wood that Daryl had roughly carved for you one year had burning marks. All the pictures were torn apart, broken into pieces. The only one who was intact, showing you and your brother smiling, had the word “bitch” written over your face with a black marker.

“Fucking asshole…” Daryl muttered, looking at the mess.

You couldn’t stop your tears looking at the mess, all your prized possession and memories ruined, and you sat down on the floor, hugging your knees to your chest as you sobbed, holding a piece of one of the pictures.

“Y/N, hey, Y/N…hey, don’t cry….” You felt Daryl’s hand on your shoulder as he knelt down next to you but you didn’t look up from your knees, not wanting him to see you crying. You felt Daryl wrapping his arms around you, carefully holding you, and you let him do so, hiding your face on his chest as you cried. “It’s okay…” He whispered, and you felt him kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay…we’ll fix them, okay?”

You sniffed but tried to stop crying, pulling away from Daryl and nodding. You rubbed your eyes and got up, and you went to pick up a shoebox. You began getting inside all the broken gifts and pictures, Daryl helping you. It took less than a couple of minutes.

“Let’s…let’s go…” You said weakly.

“You don’t need to pick anything else?” Daryl asked, and you shook your head. All your clothes were cut and torn into pieces and you didn’t have anything else to take with you. “Alright…let’s go back home,” he said, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and walking you out of there.

Once back at his trailer, Daryl got some tape and glue, placing it on the table. You sat down on the floor near it, taking out of the shoebox all your broken things and placing them on the table too. Daryl sat down next to you, and he patiently helped you to fix, glue, and tape everything that could be fixed, no matter how long it took, and placing back into the shoebox the ones who couldn’t be fixed.

“I’ll put it in the closet, okay?” He told you quietly, nodding towards the tiny closet near the bed, in which he kept his clothes, as he took the shoebox with the stuff that you hadn’t been able to fix.

“You’re not going to throw it away?” You asked, brushing your fingers over one of the pictures that you had taped back together as best as possible.

“No, not unless you want to.”

“Thanks…” You said as you watched Daryl get the box into the closet, before coming back to sit down near you again.

Daryl picked up one of the pictures that you had carefully taped back together. You didn’t know who had taken it, but it showed Daryl and you when you were teenagers, outside the biker’s club, with your brother and Merle. You were in the middle, sat down on your brother’s bike, grinning, while he standed next to you, holding the bike. Merle had an arm thrown around Daryl’s shoulders, who was next to you and seemed to be trying to squirm away from his brother’s grasp, and you snorted looking at the picture, even if tears filled your eyes again.

A small, sad smile tugged at Daryl’s lip as he looked at the pic.”Can I…do you mind…” He nodded from the picture to the wall.

“Yeah, sure…” You murmured, watching as Daryl got up and stuck the picture to the wall with some tape. “Thanks…” Daryl didn’t say anything, but he smiled at you, coming back to look at the pictures with you.

That day, after having lunch on rabbit stew, you had started to feel sleepy, exhausted after a night of drinking and little rest, and after the draining emotions of the day. Daryl had convinced you to take a nap, even if you were hesitant, and when you woke up, he wasn’t around. Before you could worry, you saw that he had scribbled you a note, saying that he needed to take care of something and that he’d be back soon, and to wait for him there, and so you did.

When finally Daryl walked into the trailer, you instantly noticed the bruises on his face, and it seemed his nose had bled. You jumped onto your feet, rushing to him while he closed the door.

“What happened?!” You asked, worried, but Daryl didn’t say anything, looking down, and it clicked in your head. “It was…it was Rian, yeah? You went for him…why you did that, Daryl!”

“Cause he deserved it! ‘Cause all he did to you, and now he pulls up that shit!” Daryl said angrily, waving at the photographs on the table, and if it were someone else who seemed as angry as Daryl, who snapped like that, you’d have been scared, but not of him.

“It wasn’t worthy!” You snapped back. “It’s not going to fix anything!”

“It fixes shit for me…” Daryl muttered, scoffing, and you let out a sigh, shaking your head. You were grateful, you were, but you also felt guilty, Rian had hurt Daryl again because of you, and you were worried thinking that Daryl could have gotten even more hurt.

“I hope he looks worse,” you finally said, and Daryl snorted.

“Yeah, he does…he deserved worse, though.”

You let out another sigh and took his hand, pulling him to the couch. “Sit down…” You went to the tiny bathroom and opened the cabinet where you knew Daryl kept the first aid kit, it wasn’t the first time that you patched him up.

You washed his face with a wet cloth before you dabbed disinfectant on the couple of open wounds on his face, and then you carefully applied some butterfly stitches on a cut on his eyebrow. After that, you went to the kitchen, coming back with a can of beer from the fridge, that you pressed against the worst of his bruising.

“This is the last time…okay?” You said softly and Daryl scoffed.

“That depends on him… I think he ain’t bothering you no more, I think I made it clear to him…but if he gets near you again…”

“Seriously Daryl…I don’t want you getting hurt anymore, not by him, not because of me…it’s not worthy anymore, he’s…he’s not in my life anymore…” You barely could believe it as you said it. “I don’t want him to be…and I want him out of your life too. So no more fights.” Daryl let out a sigh, and he wasn’t making any promises, but he nodded. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate you standing up for me, and protecting me, and taking care of me…and beating the shit out of that asshole…” You half-joked, and Daryl snorted. “Because I do, I really do Daryl, I’m so grateful for all that you’re doing for me, all that you have done…more than I can say…more than I know how to say…”

“Ain’t nothing…” Daryl muttered.

“It is something, and I appreciate it, and I’m grateful, I am,” you said again. “But I don’t want to have to patch up anymore, you’ve been hurt enough…I want this to be the last time…” Shyly, you leaned to kiss Daryl’s forehead softly, above the cut on his eyebrow, and Daryl gave you a small, half-smile, before looking away shyly, taking the bottle of beer that you still had pressed against his cheek.

He looked at the table, reaching out to take some of the pictures that you both had fixed as well as possible, browsing through them.

“What you wanna do with them?” He asked and you shrugged, you guessed you should keep them somewhere, though you didn’t want to take over any of Daryl’s drawers . “If you want to hang them around too, you can, alright?” Daryl nodded towards the photo that he had taped to the wall earlier that day. “I’m gonna get you a box to keep everything else…”

At first, you hadn’t dared to hang more pictures, afraid that you were being intrusive and taking over Daryl’s space, but over time, you had started hanging the pictures that had you, your brother, and Daryl on them, finding also a couple with Merle too. Daryl didn’t say anything, but he smiled when he looked at them.

You had kept the rest of the pictures in another small shoebox, and also the few gifts from Daryl that you both had managed to fix a bit with glue, but for your birthday, Daryl gave you a small wooden box for you to keep all of that. He hadn’t given you the box plain, though, he had roughly carved patterns on it and also your name, and to you, it was the most beautiful box in the world.

As for your husband, he didn’t leave you alone, not during the first month. He’d get drunk, as always, and stumble to Daryl’s trailer late at night at least a couple of times a week, calling for you, threatening you, scaring you even if Daryl always threw Rian away like he had done the night of new year’s, until eventually Rian seemed to catch the message, and he stopped showing up, but it was not until a couple of months after he stopped coming for you that you started to sleep without fear of waking up to his voice, although you knew that if he came back, Daryl would be there so he wouldn’t hurt you.

Eventually, as months passed, you had even dared to walk around the town without Daryl by your side when you needed to do so, even if the fear of bumping into Rian or him coming for you was always at the back of your mind. Daryl encouraged you, wanting you to feel free and safe to walk around, but you knew that he worried too, afraid of Rian approaching you when he wasn’t there.

Out of the blue, Daryl had given you a hunting knife that you could keep under your clothes to help you feel safer, to ease both yours and his peace of mind, and that you could use to threaten Rian if he dared to approach you so maybe he’d decide that it wasn’t worthy. The handle was made of wood, and Daryl had carved some rough patterns in it, making it unique for you. You loved it. Whatever the reason, Rian had never tried to bother you again, and in late autumn, you had caught word that he had left the town. You were glad of it, though you pitied the next innocent and unaware woman that might cross his path. You were in theory still married to him, but you weren’t in the mood to check all that you needed to do in order to divorce him. Legally married or not, you were free of him, and for that, you were grateful.

_Now…_

You glanced at your watch again…so close to midnight. You looked around the small place, letting out a sigh. Your few patrons were obviously drunk, two of them looking blankly to the ground, occasionally sipping their drink, another seemed to stare past the wall, lost in drunken thoughts, another was watching the new year’s show that was muted on the small tv, letting out a drunken sigh almost at the same time that you let out your sober one, and a man seemed to be already dozing off on his chair.

It was a sad sight…you felt sorry that those people didn’t have anyone to spend New Year’s, like you had felt for so long, or maybe for them this was just another night, spending it like they’d any other.

You had been feeling down at the idea of working on New Year’s instead of spending it with Daryl like the year before, but at least, you had a job and you had a place to go once you finished, even if it was after midnight, you had Daryl, and you gave thanks for it once more. Without him, you’d probably still be trapped with your husband, and you didn’t know what you’d have done that year without him.

You couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of your lip as you thought on Daryl, and you glanced at your watch again, wondering what he might be doing.

“New year’s plans?” Maria, your boss, asked you, smiling knowingly.

“Not really, just being thankful for everything good in my life now, including this job.” You smiled.

“I know working on New Year’s is not ideal for a young woman,” she said, and you chuckled.

“I wouldn’t call myself young…”

“You’re young…and way younger than me!” She chuckled too. “So you don’t have plans with the younger Dixon?”

You had to stop your giggle every time that she called Daryl that. Merle, who you didn’t know where he was but you hadn’t seen in years, was called the older Dixon by her, and their father was called…something way ruder but quite accurate. Maria didn’t hide her hate for the man, and she didn’t like Merle that much either, but it didn’t seem to extend to Daryl, and you thought she might be one of the very few people who were able to see inside the “younger Dixon”, beyond his family name and his façade.

“No, he knows I’m working late, I guess he’ll come to pick me up when we close to go home…” You didn’t know when you had started to think of Daryl’s place as home, but it felt like it. “Maybe we’ll have some drinks at home to celebrate or something…he’s not really into celebrations.”

“I guessed so…” Maria chuckled, and she reached out to take a bottle of whiskey from one of the shelves. “Take it, have a toast with Daryl tonight thinking on us.” She nodded towards Howard, his husband, who was sat down on a chair at the back of the room, tinkering with an old, broken radio You had considered asking Daryl if he could fix it, but you had realized that Howard enjoyed tinkering with it, whether he fixed it or not.

“Oh, no, I can’t take it!” Your bosses already struggled enough to pay you a salary as it was.

“Nonsense, you know our regulars never order this one.” Maria pushed the bottle onto your hand. “Late Christmas present.”

“Thank you, thank you so much.”

“Now, come on, go spend new year’s with the younger Dixon.” Maria chuckled. “You can see I can deal with this by myself.” She waved at your depressed and drunk patrons. “You go and have fun.”

“No, no, this is my job, I’ll help you to kick out these people when it gets too late and I’ll close.”

“It’s your job, I’m your boss, and I’m saying that you’re finishing early tonight,” Maria’s tone didn’t leave room for an argument. “We are not kicking anyone out tonight, it’s new year’s after all…if these people have nowhere else to go, then we’ll be open for them even if we have to wait until the sun comes out.”

Christmas had been like that too, and Maria had told Daryl to come to spend the night there at the bar too. He’d seemed reluctant but finally he’d showed up…it was an unusual Christmas, but way better than any other that you had in so, so many years. Your usual patrons were there, lonely, sad and drunk, but even them and the atmosphere seemed less sad, with the strings of old, colorful lights and the small, fake Christmas tree.

There had been not only booze that night, but also food, roasted meat that Daryl had hunt and got ready, and a pie that Maria had baked. You’d enjoyed yourself immensely, and you thought Daryl had enjoyed the night too, even if he had seemed awkward, but he’d been eating and drinking, and helping Howard, who that night hadn’t been tinkering with the radio but with a clock as ancient as broken. The sun was already shining when the patrons had been asked to go home, and Daryl and you had finally go home to nap and share your handmade gifts, keeping your childhood tradition.

Last year, Daryl had made you a pendant with broken car glasses and metal, you still didn’t know how, and this year he had made you earrings that went with the pendant. You had seen him working on a pretty much-broken bike that someone had left him for fixing, and you had no idea that he would take some of its broken glass and metal to work on your gift, neither how he could turn those into something as pretty as the earrings that he had given you, and that you wore every day.

The guys from the old biker gang left Daryl their bikes when they needed to be repaired, because apparently, Daryl worked on bikes better than anyone else, and was cheaper than the town garage anyway. You had stopped seeing anyone else from the gang when you married, but now whenever they came with a bike and you were there, they’d talk to you. Soon everyone knew that you had left your husband, and sometimes some of them came just to check on you, or to talk memories about your late brother, and slowly, you felt like you were coming back to life, back to yourself even…the only reason why you hadn’t lost yourself completely was Daryl, you were sure, and now it was thanks to him too that you were coming back to the world.

You had cheated that year when getting Daryl’s gift ready. You had a handmade one, an empty bottle that you had taken from the bar and that you had painted with different colors to make it a vase, if you put a candle in, it’d shine with the different colors. You thought it was a bit lame, but you hadn’t been able to come up with anything else.

You had something else, though. While walking near a charity market, you had spotted a t-shirt that you thought would be perfect for Daryl. It was black, it had a small drawing of a silhouette of a bike in white, and also the phrase “It seems I’m paying attention to you but in my head, I’m riding my bike.” You had a good chuckle, you were sure that sentence could be applied to anyone from the old gang more than once, and twice, and a hundred times, including Daryl.

You knew that he had loved it, he’d worn it a couple of times despite the colder weather, even if he had scolded you for spending money on it. But it was perfect for him, Daryl deserved it, after everything that he had done for you, he had spent much more getting you back on your feet, even if he’d never let you mention it. And…the black t-shirt looked really good on him, you had to admit it…you felt your cheeks heating up at the thought and you shook your head. Your silly crush had just gotten worse that year, but you were still able to control yourself, even if your mind betrayed you often.

Your mind went back to earth and the present moment when you felt Maria pushing your coat into the hand that wasn’t holding the bottle of whisky, and telling you again to leave.

“Come on, dear, go celebrate, have fun, wish young Dixon a happy new year from Howard and me,” she ushered you towards the door. “No, wait, I’ll phone him so he comes to pick you up.”

“No, no wait! Don’t! I want it to be a surprise, he thinks I’m going to be working almost the whole night.” You grinned, knowing he wouldn’t expect you calling until way later.

“I don’t know, Y/N, I don’t like you going alone this late,” Maria said, and you knew Daryl didn’t like it either, that’s why he went to pick you every single night, but you were sure you’d be fine, and the bar wasn’t far from Daryl’s trailer. Besides, you always kept under your clothes the hunting knife that Daryl had given you.

“I’ll be okay,” you assured her, putting on your coat. “I promise. Thank you a million times.” You’d look for a way to repay it.

“It’s nothing, darling.” Maria smiled at you. “Happy new year, and remember that you have a free day tomorrow.”

“Happy new year.” You grinned. “Happy new year, Howard!” You said loudly and you heard his voice coming from the backroom, wishing you the same. “Happy new year,” you said once again, this time waving to your patrons, a couple of them grunting a reply.

“Come on, Cinderella, or it’ll be past midnight!” Maria chuckled and you nodded, rushing outside and checking your watch.

It was close to midnight, and so you alternated between walking fast and running, and when you reached Daryl’s trailer, you were out of breath but on time. You checked your watch while you took the spare key…only a couple of minutes for midnight. You opened the door quickly and walked inside.

“Surprise!”


	3. Chapter 3

Daryl’s head snapped up at the sound of the door unlocking and your voice, frowning. He was sat down on the tattered couch, one hand holding an old bike magazine, the other a jar with moonshine that a guy from the gang made. You always told Daryl not to drink that, joking that he’d get sick or blind, but he did anyway. The old, small tv was on, some old movie on it, volume low, and the painted bottle that you had made for Christmas was near it, a candle inside it, shining the different colors in which you had painted it.

“What…” Daryl began but you interrupted him.

“Maria let me finish early because it’s new year’s,” you said before Daryl could ask anything, trying to catch your breath. “Also, a gift.” You placed the whiskey bottle on the table and shrugged off your coat, discarding it on the floor carelessly in your rush.

“Why you didn’t call, it’s late and-” Daryl began to say, still frowning, but you stopped him.

“No, hush, shh, it’s almost midnight! You can tell me off later, now hush, there’s no time!” You said as you dropped on the couch next to him, grinning excitedly, happy that you had arrived right on time.

Daryl blinked at you but he stopped speaking, and his frown gave way to a smirk as if you amused him, and you couldn’t help your smile. He left the magazine on the couch and the moonshine on the table next to the whiskey, turning to look at you again, and at that moment you heard them, the firecrackers. It was a new year.

“Happy new year!” You wrapped your arms around him, and Daryl huffed as you threw yourself at him, catching him by surprise, but he wrapped his arms around you too, holding you, and chuckling when you squeezed him a bit tighter.

“Happy new year, Y/N,” he murmured, burying his face on the crook of your shoulder.

You swallowed hard, feeling a lump of emotion in your throat as you held each other for a little bit longer. You smiled at him when you finally pulled back, but Daryl didn’t smile back, he seemed worried, and you realized that you had tears in your eyes.

“What…it…there’s something wrong?” Daryl asked, seeming about to panic. “Did someone-”

“No, no, no, I’m fine!” You rushed to assure him, holding his hand and squeezing it. “I’m okay, I’m…I’m more than okay, I’m crying because I’m happy. I’m very, very happy. It is a happy new year.” You grinned, even if your eyes were wet.

“Oh…” Daryl seemed surprised and he looked down, shyly, but a smile tugged at the corner of his lip. “Yeah…yeah, it is…” He muttered, and you took him by surprise again when you leaned to plant a kiss on his cheek, you were too happy and exultant to care about being shy…besides, the year before you had gotten drunk and kissed his lips out of impulse, a cheek kiss was way more innocent, you guessed, chuckling to yourself, even if you wished you could kiss his lips again…

“I’m going to get us some glasses!” You rushed up from the couch, reaching into the kitchen shelf and getting a couple of glasses, leaving them on the table as you sat down again. You grinned at Daryl, and chewed on your lip when you saw him looking at you with a soft smile, and eyes so fond…your heart skipped a beat and something twirled inside your stomach, and so you looked away, trying to control it, and you focused on opening the whiskey and pouring it into the glasses.

“We gotta toast to Maria and Howard’s honor,” you said as you picked up your glass. “They wish you a happy new year too so…happy new year to the best bosses in the world.” You clinked your glass with Daryl’s, and he nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, they’re good people, there ain’t many people like that in this town,” he said, and you agreed.

“Happy new year, Daryl.” You smiled, raising your glass and taking a sip

“Happy new year,” Daryl sipped the whiskey too. “It’s good.”

“Yeah, Maria didn’t give us anything cheap, this is the good stuff.” You chuckled, taking another sip.

“Someone’s gonna get drunk and complain of a hangover tomorrow.” Daryl teased.

“Yeah, it’s you,” you teased back, chuckling. “Questionable moonshine and good whiskey, a deadly combination.”

Daryl didn’t say anything, just looked at you with an amused, fond smile. You looked away, feeling some twirls in your stomach, and focused on kicking off your boots. Once you were done, you lifted your feet onto the couch and leaned back on the armrest with a sigh, taking another sip as you looked at Daryl.

“Wait…” Daryl reached back, looking for something on the ground, and then he pulled up a blanket that he carefully threw over you, but you made sure that he didn’t place the blanket only over you but over him too, the trailer was cold in winter, shifting until your legs were almost over his, but it didn’t seem that Daryl minded it, resting one of his arms over your legs. “Are you cold?”

“I’m okay, thank you.” You smiled and reached out to pour you another glass of whiskey, refilling Daryl’s too. “Besides, this will warm you from the inside.” You giggled.

“Yeah…” Daryl chuckled, nodding as he took a sip. “Take it easy, don’t want you to get sick.”

“I’m not going to get sick.” You nudged his leg with your feet, but Daryl retaliated grabbing your ankle and tickling the sole of your socked feet, making you yelp and yank your feet away, almost throwing the whiskey on yourself. “No!”

Daryl didn’t say anything, just chuckled, looking at you with a smug, amused smile, but he stopped trying to tickle you, and you relaxed, laying against the armrest again and taking another sip

“Besides…it’s new year’s, what’s the matter if I get drunk.” You shrugged, smiling contently. “I want to celebrate that I had the best year since…since so long. Probably the best year that I ever had, after my brother passed and I…you know…got married and all that…” You trailed off, you didn’t want to think about that, you had just meant to say how happy you had been that year, thanks to Daryl.

You felt his hand on your left, squeezing it gently, reassuringly, and when you looked at him, he gave you a soft, half-smile. “It was a good year,” he said and you smiled, nodding.

“Yeah…yeah, one of the best.

“I know that…uh…” Daryl looked away. “That you, uh…that it wasn’t easy…but you…uh…just…I’m proud of you, you know, for all you did this year…so…yeah…”

You felt butterflies again, that love and fondness for Daryl seeming to squeeze your heart, and you felt so grateful for him. “Thank you, Daryl…you know that I couldn’t have done it without you…”

“Nah…” Daryl shook his head, still looking away. “You could.”

“No, and you know it,” you insisted, you wanted him to know. “You protected me, you didn’t let Rian hurt me, you got hurt yourself.”

“Was nothing…” Daryl murmured, but you kept speaking.

“You took me in, gave me a roof and food, you got me back onto my feet when I had nothing, you helped me so much, Daryl, you did, so don’t say that you didn’t, or that it was nothing.” Daryl shrugged but stopped himself from saying what you had told him not to, and he gave you a half-smile, squeezing your ankle again, and you reached to place your hand over his. “You also gave me your bed, I still have you sleeping on this couch, it’s not fair.”

“Couch is fine…”

“Yeah?” You arched an eyebrow at the small, tattered couch. “Then we change, I sleep on the couch and you sleep on your bed.”

“Nah, I’m good here,” Daryl said and you chuckled, shaking your head, you had been sure that would be his answer, but still, it felt unfair.

You knew that Daryl would never tell you that, that probably he didn’t think it himself, but after a year living in his place, you were starting to feel a bit like an overstaying guest. The trailer was small and you felt like you were always on Daryl’s hair, not giving him privacy, except when he was in the woods or outside fixing a bike. You were afraid that your presence was overwhelming, that Daryl probably missed his solitude. You felt like you had taken over his life, his place, his everything, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty sometimes.

You didn’t want to leave, you loved to be there with him, and you felt like without Daryl near you, that anxiety that always threatened to fill you would win, but you couldn’t lean on Daryl always, you should let him get his life back, and maybe it was time…

“You know…” You took a big gulp of whiskey, grimacing at the burn. “I’ve been thinking that maybe this year, once I’ve saved enough now that I’m working…maybe eventually I could rent my own place.”

Daryl frowned, shifting away from you. “You don’t wanna stay here?”

“It’s…it’s not that I don’t want to, just…” You let out a sigh and took another sip of whiskey. “You’ve been feeding me for a year, you had to put up with me for a year, been all the time in your space, everywhere you look, there I am, I know it must be annoying, so…maybe it’s time I got my own place…”

“You know you ain’t annoying, I told you already.” Daryl kept frowning at you, and you could see him getting defensive, taking a long sip of whiskey and looking away from you, shrugging. “If you don’t like it here just say it, I get it.”

“Daryl, no, it’s not that.” You reached out to place a hand on his arm, but Daryl flinched, still looking away. “I like it here, I like to live with you.”

“You wanna leave,” Daryl scoffed.

“I don’t want to, I just feel like I should give you space,” you tried to explain. “But I like it here, I like to spend time with you, I feel safe when I’m here with you, and happy, and…yeah…” You shrugged shyly, realizing that you had gotten bit carried away. “Told you, best year since forever…just don’t want to be a nuisance”

“You ain’t that, I uh…I like having you here…” Daryl murmured, still not looking at you. “If you wanna leave then leave…” He shrugged again. “But don’t say it’s ‘cause of me.”

“I don’t want to leave…” You nudged Daryl with your feet, trying to get him to look at you, and he did.

“Then don’t.”

“Okay…” You nodded. “Are you sure? It’s okay if you want the space, I understand, I won’t be upset, I know that-”

“Told you that I like that you are here.” Daryl stopped you and he looked away again, shy. “If you leave it’s cause you wanna, not ‘cause I want you to leave…’cause I don’t…”

“And I like to be here…I don’t want to leave…”

“So don’t.”

“Okay…okay, I won’t.” You nodded, smiling, and when Daryl looked at you, a smile tugged at the corner of his lip. “At least let me buy you one of those couches that you can pull into a bed…or let me take the couch so you can sleep in your bed.”

“You think there’s space in here for one of those?” Daryl scoffed. “And nah, I’m good on the couch.”

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow…” You didn’t want Daryl to still sleep uncomfortably in his own place, just because he was too good to you. “Now…you think we can finish this bottle?” You reached out to pour more whiskey into yours and Daryl’s glasses, and he chuckled.

“You’re gonna regret it in the morning.”

“Well, I don’t have to work.” You grinned and took a sip. “So I can lie on bed all day, while you are in are all scrunched on this couch.”

“Yeah? Maybe I’ll feel like revving the bike’s engine as loud as I can,” Daryl said, trying to tickle your feet again, and you squealed, trying to pull away without throwing the whiskey.

“Or you can sleep in your bed and leave me the couch.”

“Nah.” Daryl didn’t relent, smiling before gulping down the whiskey.

“Bed is big enough for two,” you blurted out, eyes going wide when you realized what you had said, it felt as if your heart was going to jump out of your chest waiting for Daryl’s reaction, but to your relief, he seemed to think that you were joking, and he scoffed, shaking his head and taking another sip.

“It ain’t.”

It wasn’t the biggest bed in the world, sure, but it’d be enough for two people, it’d just be…cozy. You tried not to imagine how it’d be to curl up there with Daryl, and how much you wanted it.

“Then, we can take turns, one night I take the bed, the next you take it, and so on.” You shrugged.

“I told you I’m okay here, stop it,” Daryl grumbled.

“Okay…but I’m stopping just for this night…” You grinned and took another sip. “Because I just want to drink, and celebrate, and have fun, and be happy, because this year was the best in forever for me…and I want this to be the best new year’s, even better than the last one…and that was great and the best for me since…forever, again.” You giggled.

Sure, your husband had come for you in the middle of the night, scaring you, but still, it was the night when you had found the courage to leave, thanks to Daryl, and the night when you had so, so much fun, more than in so many years.

“It was…last new year’s was the best in forever for me too…” Daryl told you quietly, looking away. “Since those that we spent on the club, with your brother and mine, and the others.” Yes…yes, those had been good years, indeed…

The memories of your brother were bittersweet…so many years and you still missed him so much…

“Daryl…I’m sorry that Merle didn’t come this year either…” You reached out to squeeze Daryl’s hand, who just shrugged.

“I wasn’t expecting him…” He murmured, as if he didn’t care, but you knew he missed his brother.

“Well…let’s make this new year’s better than the last one.” You grinned, wanting to dissipate the melancholy that had fallen over you both. You raised your glass, clinking it with Daryl’s. “To a great year and one that will be even better.”

“Yeah…” Daryl gave you that half a smile that had given you the butterflies for the first time when you both were kids, and he gulped down his whiskey. You did the same, trying to stop the butterflies, and Daryl refilled your glasses.

“Trying to get me drunk, Dixon?” You joked.

“You don’t need me for that, and you’re kind of drunk already,” Daryl smirked, snorting when you nudged him with your feet, even if he was right and you were feeling tipsy, Daryl and you had drunk a few glasses already.

Daryl took another long sip, and you wondered who would get drunker, you or him..probably you. He gulped down the whiskey, looking at you before looking away. “I, uh…this new year’s is already better than the last one anyway.”

“Yeah? Why?”

Daryl shrugged, sipping his whiskey again. “You don’t have to be worried about Rian, you don’t have to think of him, he ain’t gonna come for you…” yeah…yeah that was a very good reason. “And…you’re happy, so I… uh…” He shrugged, shy. “I like it.”

“Yes…yes, you’re right, Daryl.” You reached out and squeezed his arm softly. “But I was happy here last year too, I had a lot of fun with you, eating, and talking, and drinking, it was so good, I told you, it was the best new year’s since forever.”

Daryl didn’t say anything, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lip, and he nodded. Then, though, he looked at you, and he chewed on his lip as you knew he did when he was unsure about something, and you wondered what was he thinking. He sipped his whiskey and looked away.

“You kissed me last year.”

You felt your heart stop for a second at Daryl’s words, and then your face seemed to burn. Daryl had never mentioned that, and you were surprised that he had brought it up. But it was new year’s, you both were on the tipsy side, probably he had remembered the year before. It didn’t mean that it wasn’t embarrassing, though at least Daryl hadn’t been annoyed by it.

“Yeah, I…uh…I…” You babbled. “I was a mess…and drunk…sorry.”

Daryl just hummed, still not looking at you, and you wondered what was going on through his head, trying not to worry, he hadn’t seemed annoyed by the kiss last year, just surprised and awkward, and he hadn’t said anything about it during the whole year, so there was no reason to think that he might be annoyed now…but he was serious, looking away from you, thoughtful, and you didn’t know what to do.

Daryl took another sip of whiskey before speaking again, still looking away. “So you ain’t drunk enough to kiss me this year?”

You blinked at him, taken aback. Not what you were expecting, and you didn’t know what to make of his words, confused and surprised. “Wha-what?” Daryl didn’t say anything, didn’t look at you. Did he want you to kiss him? Maybe it was because it was new year’s? Or maybe…could he really want it? Maybe he was just joking or trying to get a reaction out of you…you didn’t know what to do, you didn’t want to make a fool out of yourself by taking it too seriously, even though you couldn’t stop the butterflies. “Are you messing with me? I can embarrass myself enough on my own.”

Daryl shook his head, and you heard him scoffing quietly, muttering something about being stupid as he pulled away from you, finishing his whiskey in a long gulp. You knew Daryl, you could feel him getting defensive, his walls coming up, distancing himself from you both physically and emotionally. He wasn’t messing around, maybe he did want you both to kiss for new year’s, you didn’t know what to think, what to do.

“I…uh…I’m gonna…” Daryl was pulling the blanket away, looking around and he went to get up as if to run away, but you placed a hand on his leg, stopping him, even if you still weren’t sure of what to think or what to do.

“Wait,” you said, pulling at him so he’d sit down again, and Daryl looked at you before quickly looking away. “Do you… want me to kiss you?”

Daryl didn’t say anything and you still didn’t know what to do, but you decided to push past your shyness, past your insecurity and the fear of Daryl rejecting you, or worse, of annoying him or making him uncomfortable, but it was him who had brought up the kiss.

You leaned closer, but Daryl was not looking at you, his body tense even if he wasn’t pulling away, and so you didn’t feel like kissing his lips like that. Instead, you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, near the corner of his mouth, feeling Daryl swallowing hard.

Daryl wasn’t saying anything, sneaking a glance at you before looking down, and you wondered if that was bad or good…it didn’t seem like he wanted to kiss, though, despite his words, and you leaned back against the armrest, letting out a sigh. Probably it had been just drunken talk, him remembering your foolishness last year, when you kissed him out of the blue, but it wasn’t the same now.

“I don’t need to be drunk to kiss you anyway…” You muttered, reaching to leave your glass on the table, deciding that you had enough whiskey, and then throwing an arm over your eyes…maybe it wasn’t a good idea, you started to feel the alcohol now that your eyes were closed, and your not kiss with Daryl seemed to have turned you from a happy drunk to a sad one.

“You said you kissed me ‘cause you were drunk.” Daryl rasped, he seemed to be speaking again, and you scoffed.

“No…I mean, yes, but…nah, being drunk is what gave me the courage to kiss you, I guess…” You admitted, removing the arm from your eyes, looking at the ceiling. “Been wanting to do it since forever.”

It was Daryl who scoffed now and you felt him shifting on the small couch and pouring more whiskey, but you but didn’t look at him. “Yeah, sure.”

“What?” You chuckled bitterly. “It’s true…I’ve had a big, stupid crush on you since we were kids.” You decided to just go with the truth, after all, Daryl had you living with him, maybe he should know your feelings before deciding if he still wanted you both to live together, knowing about your stupid crush might change his mind, and you’d understand it. “So there, now you know it, if you don’t feel comfortable living with me I get it, so If you want me to leave, I told you that-”

“Told you that I don’t want you to leave,” Daryl stopped you and then he shook his head. “You got no crush on me, you are just drunk.”

“I am drunk,” you agreed, leaning against the armrest again. “And I do have a crush on you…I can’t help it, I can’t stop it.”

Daryl scoffed, gulping down his whiskey, and suddenly he got up, this time moving too fast for you to stop him. You frowned at him, confused, as he paced away from the couch. “You got a crush on me? Yeah, yeah, sure, that’s why you left, why you married that fucking asshole, and why you stayed with him! ‘Cause you got a crush on me…yeah, yeah sure.” He scoffed again.

Daryl seemed upset, angry even, taking you by surprise as you looked at him pacing around the trailer. The place was small, too small for him to vent with you there, you knew it, unless he went out, which you hoped he didn’t. You didn’t know how you had upset him, but his words hurt nonetheless.

“I…you…you know why I did that…”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘cause you got a crush on me, that’s why you couldn’t wait to marry that fucking piece of shit!” Daryl chuckled humorless, glaring at you. “Makes tons of sense!”

“I…why…” You babbled, you didn’t know what to say. “Why are you angry at me now? What did I do?”

Daryl scoffed. “I ain’t angry, just calling your bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit, it’s true! What’s the matter with you! Yes, I married an asshole having a crush on you, it wasn’t like you were interested in marrying me instead! And I didn’t know he was an asshole, I didn’t run to him to fulfill my dream of marrying an abusive prick! And you know why I didn’t leave him…But you can think whatever you want.”

You rubbed your eyes when you felt tears on them, and hugged your knees to your chest. “So much for the best new year’s ever…” You muttered, you didn’t know how you both had gone from having fun to fighting in five seconds.

Daryl didn’t say anything, and you heard him pacing before he sat down on the couch again, but you didn’t look at him. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, but you still didn’t look up. “Y/N…hey…” You chewed on your lip but glanced at him. “I’m sorry I yelled. I am.”

“Okay…” You whispered.

“I, uh…I’m an asshole when I’m drunk…”

You snorted quietly. “Not always…you can be an asshole or you can be nicer than ever, but there’s not knowing which one you will be until you are drunk already.”

Daryl snorted too. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah…just…” You let out a sigh. “Just don’t know why you are angry…”

“I’m not angry, I’m just an idiot, I’m sorry.”

“Nah…just…” You chewed on your lip and looked at him. “Daryl, you know how I ended up married to that asshole…”

Daryl shrugged, looking down. “All I know is that one day you were here then the next you were leaving with him.”

“It was…it wasn’t like that…” You sighed,

“Felt like it…” Daryl murmured.

You looked at him, unsure of what to say, of what Daryl was thinking. Maybe…maybe he felt like you had left him, back then? It hadn’t been your intention, you hadn’t known that your husband was going to take control over you, get you away from anyone, but you had always fought to keep contact with Daryl anyway.

When you were in your late teens and your brother died in an accident, and you had nothing, when you didn’t have the strength to get up from bed, Daryl had taken you in, he had taken care of you, like he was doing now. But he was younger too, things were hard for him, and you had felt like a nuisance, grateful but worried that he’d end up tired of you.

You had already met Rian, the man who would be your husband. He was around your brother’s age and went to your brother when he needed his car fixed, but he started talking to you more after your brother died, seeming afflicted and worried about you, though he only sought you when Daryl was out in the woods, hunting dinner.

Soon, Rian had made his intentions clear, letting you know that he liked you…he wasn’t…he wasn’t your dream, but he was nice and nobody had asked you out before, and so when he did, you said yes, flattered, wanting to feel something that wasn’t sadness about your brother’s loss and about your crush on Daryl, which was growning at the same time that you felt it’d never be more than a silly unreciprocated crush too stubborn to die.

Rian wasn’t Daryl, but when he showed you his affection, when he told you beautiful words and made promises, so different from his true self that you’d end up meeting too late, you thought you could feel butterflies in your belly in a way. Not much later, he told you to move with him, he would make sure you’d have everything you needed, he’d take care of you.

Daryl took care of you too, and you liked to live with him, but you didn’t want to still be a nuisance for him, he had so much trouble having to fend for both of you, you felt useless unable to find a job, you still cried yourself to sleep every night, you felt like a mess…but a nice, handsome man was interested in you, a man that, when seeing your hesitance, proposed, letting you know that his intentions were real. It had shocked you, but it had also made you feel giddy with excitement. He had proposed! He wanted to marry you! Maybe…maybe this could be your chance to get your life together? To be a real, proper adult?

Rian had proposed and Daryl…Daryl had never looked at you like that, you thought…he cared for you, loved you in a way, but you guessed he wasn’t interested in having with you more than a good friendship, a friendship that you loved nonetheless, you two were family in one way or another…but he didn’t reciprocate your feelings. So, maybe it’d be best to move on…and so, soon, you had moved with Rian, and you were married.

Daryl never liked him, didn’t bit his tongue when telling you how he disliked him, the asshole he thought him to be, but your husband had told you that he was just overprotective like your brother would be, telling you that it was time you stopped listening so much to friends and started being yourself, and listening to him…soon, though, you had learned the hard way that it’d have been better to trust Daryl instincts. Soon, your husband was someone else, his true self, making sure you had nothing and nobody but him…Daryl, though, was always there for you, getting into fights with your husband, trying to talk you into leaving him, but as years passed, you felt more and more terrified, more and more trapped…

…until last year, when, with Daryl at your side, you worked the courage to leave.

You thought about it all while you stared at Daryl, who wasn’t looking at you but fidgeting with his glass, though he wasn’t drinking more.

“Daryl…I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you warned me about Rian all those years ago.”

Daryl shrugged, looking at you. “You don’t have to say sorry for that.”

“Oh, but I am sorry…” You chuckled bitterly. “Believe me, I’m very sorry.” Daryl didn’t say anything, just reached out to squeeze your ankle gently before going back to fidget with his glass, and you wished so much that you knew what was going through his head. “Daryl…do you want me to tell you why I married Rian?”

“Cause you liked him…” Daryl shrugged.

“No…I mean, yeah, in a way, I wanted to, he seemed nice, I wasn’t in love, I know it now, but I was…I don’t know, it was a good feeling…” You didn’t know how to explain it. “Sure, he wasn’t the guy I was crushing on…”

Daryl scoffed at that, and he seemed about to get up again, so you placed your leg over his to keep him on the couch. “Listen, I’m speaking Dixon,” you half-joked, nudging him with your feet, and Daryl snorted, but he didn’t try to get up again, even if he seemed awkward.

“So…yeah…he seemed nice and he was interested in me…his attention felt nice, and…I don’t know, I feel like maybe that way I could become a proper adult, get my shit together and all that, because you know I was a mess back then, Daryl, after my brother died, you know how I was…” You said, and you felt Daryl’s hand in your leg at that, squeezing it softly, reassuringly. “If it wasn’t for you…I don’t know what I’d have done. You took me in, and you had so much going on in your life already, and Merle had come back again and you had to deal with his bullshit, he was high most of the time…” You knew him since you were a kid, though he came a went, but Merle high wasn’t a good thing be around.

“You had to fend for yourself, and now also for me, you did so much for me…I felt like a nuisance, I knew you would never tell me so, but…I felt like that…because I was useless, couldn’t find a job, couldn’t do anything useful, couldn’t do anything for you, pay you back…I feared…I feared you’d end up tired of me…resenting me…that our friendship would die ‘cause I was always around you, and you had to take care of me and…I don’t know…I thought you would be better off without me all day around you…Rian…he, uh…kind of told me something like that once too…so..”

“Fucking asshole…” Daryl muttered, and you knew he was trying to listen without talking over you, even if he wanted to speak, probably to stop what you were saying.

“So…yeah…I didn’t want you to resent me, I didn’t want to be a burden to you, you had enough, I didn’t want to…make your life harder or…I don’t know, stop you from doing what you wanted or…dunno…and I thought Rian was nice and that I could love him…I was young and stupid, I thought if I married I’d magically become this proper adult, with a home and a husband, and her life together…” You snorted bitterly.

Daryl looked at you and then down, chewing on his lip before looking at you again, as if he were looking for words. “I could never resent you…you uh…you weren’t a burden, you weren’t annoying, you weren’t a nuisance or nothing like that…I uh…I wanted to help you, you, uh…you…you’re important so…I care and…yeah…” Daryl trailed off, shrugging shyly, and his words brought tears of emotion to your eyes. “Just…I liked it, being with you…same that I like it now…didn’t want you to leave…”

“And I appreciate it, Daryl, more than I can say…you know that you’re important to me and that I care for you too.” You reached out, looking for his hand, and he let you held it, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lip at your words. “And I appreciate you telling me all that. I’m sorry that I was an idiot back then…I should have listened to you when you told me about Rian…I shouldn’t have left like that, I shouldn’t have assumed things, I should have talked to your about all this, shouldn’t have waited all these years…” So many regrets, it felt as if your life was made of regrets, making your heart heavy, pulling you down…it seemed like Daryl noticed, because he squeezed your hand, and somehow everything felt a bit better.

“Yeah…well…maybe if you had told me this then, I’d have been an ass about it and you’d have left anyway, I was a mess back then too…still are,” Daryl joked darkly, looking at you with half a smile when you snorted, before looking away, serious again. “It’s just…”

“Yeah?” You asked when he didn’t say anything else.

“Nothing.”

“No, come on, tell me…” You squeezed Daryl’s hand, shifting closer, wanting to know what was going through his head. “Please?”

Daryl let out a sigh, glancing at you briefly before looking away. “Just…it felt…it felt like…like as soon as you found something better you left…”

“Daryl…” You had no idea that he had felt like that, and it made you feel awful…you had hurt him, you could see it now, you had made him feel less when he already was so insecure, you hated it, it hurt you too. “Daryl, no, it wasn’t like that, never, nothing like that, I promise.”

“I know.” Daryl nodded, looking at you, squeezing your hand when he noticed that you were upset. “It’s okay, I know.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that, it wasn’t like that at all, I never wanted you to think that, if I had known…I…I’m sorry.”

“I know, you don’t gotta be sorry, it’s okay.” Daryl shrugged but gave you that tiny half-smile.

“Besides, finding something better? Seriously?” You asked and Daryl just shrugged, looking away, and you shifted even closer to him, kneeling next to him on the couch, resting one hand on his shoulder and cupping his face with the other to gently make him look at you. “There can’t be anything better than you. You’re the most amazing person in the world, Daryl. I know I am a bit drunk, but I am dead serious.” Daryl just scoffed, looking away again. “Don’t do that. You are, you are amazing, and not only for everything that you have done for me, and believe me, you have done a lot, but…just because you are…I’ve got a damn crush on you for years after all…although, yeah, considering whom I married, maybe my taste shouldn’t be trusted, maybe you are actually an asshole not only when you are drunk,” you joked.

Daryl looked at you at that, scoffing, but he seemed amused, and he tickled your side, making you yelp in surprise. Daryl snorted at it, and you giggled too. “Yeah…yeah, you can be an asshole…but you are damn amazing too…the best person I ever knew…”

“Stop it…” Daryl murmured, looking away again.

“Why, are you blushing?” You teased, though Daryl was indeed blushing, even if he scoffed. You looked at him, chewing on your lip. “Daryl…you wanna know another reason why I went to get married?” Daryl looked at you, frowning, and he nodded. “Well…the guy I was crushing on wasn’t interested, so I thought I should try to move on…I guessed he’d meet a girl or a guy that he liked, and I knew it’d hurt even if I wanted him happy…so maybe it’d be better to move on…and also, maybe if I left, maybe then I’d stop having that crush, because being all day around this amazing guy…yeah, it was just getting worse.” It hadn’t worked, though, there you were, so, so many years later, crush still going strong.

“Daryl…you know the amazing guy I’m talking about is you, right? I literally just told you,” you half-joked when Daryl didn’t say anything, and he glanced at you but seemed shy. You backed off, you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. “Anyway, it didn’t work, still got the silly crush, I told you, so…yeah.” You let yourself fall back against the armrest. “And don’t go saying that it’s not true, okay, because it is, don’t try to explain my feelings to me, assholes do that. I got a crush on you, that is, I said it, I won’t take it back now.”

“I didn’t know.” Daryl finally said. “You never said.”

“Yeah, well…I wasn’t about to embarrass myself to death.” You chuckled. “I knew you weren’t interested, I didn’t want to make things weird…I never was drunk enough to blurt it out I guess.” You chuckled again.

“Why you say you knew I wasn’t interested?” Daryl finally said, and you shrugged.

“You didn’t seem to be.” Besides, you hadn’t seen how someone like him could be interested in you in that way.

“I didn’t know that you were.”

“Would it have changed anything?” You shrugged, sure that the answer was no.

“I don’t know.”

You let out a tired sigh. “You either liked me like, not only friends, or you didn’t.”

“I don’t know.” Daryl shrugged, defensive. “But…but I liked to be with you, and I liked living with you, and having you around, and…yeah…don’t know…when you left…just…” He shrugged again, and then reached out to take a sip of whiskey from the bottle. “I…I liked being with you…so I…I don’t know…all I know is that I liked it when we were together and that you were important to me…” Daryl looked at you and you couldn’t stop the butterflies in your belly. He took another sip of whiskey looking away from you.

“And you’re still important to me, and I still like it when we’re together, and I don’t want you to leave again, I want you to be here with me…‘cause…dunno…I like it…” Daryl gulped down another sip of whiskey before reaching to leave the bottle on the table. “And…and the way I feel when I’m with you…the way I feel about you…I don’t know…but…you’re…you…uh…” Daryl trailed off, shrugging and letting out a sigh, as if he didn’t know what else to say, as if he didn’t know what he wanted to say, but his words already had you almost in tears.

“Thank you for telling me all that, Daryl,” you said quietly, feeling the butterflies swirling in your belly. Daryl shrugged, but a shy smile tugged at the corner of his lip as he glanced at you, before he looked away again. You chewed on your lip, gathering the courage to follow the butterflies and speak. “Daryl…can I kiss you for new year’s again? It’s really okay if you don’t want to.”

Daryl didn’t say anything, but then he glanced at you, and he seemed shy but he nodded. Your heart fluttered at it, and you moved closer, shifting onto your knees next to him again, feeling a bit nervous and shy too. You placed one hand on Daryl’s shoulder and cupped his face with the other, making him look at you, leaning towards him.

“Sure?” You whispered, and when Daryl nodded, you kissed his lips softly, hoping that he wouldn’t regret it.

You still remembered your kiss a year before, the way it had made you feel, but this time, it felt even better…it lasted more than the second that the other kissed had lasted, and Daryl was kissing you back instead of pulling away. The sparkles seemed to be even bigger this time, the butterflies in your belly going crazy, same that your heart.

“Was…it was okay?” You asked quietly as you pulled away, though you didn’t move far, your hand still on Daryl’s shoulder.

“Yeah…” He breathed out, opening his eyes, and when you looked at him, you wondered if he might be feeling a bit, even just a bit, like you, and it gave you the courage to speak.

“Daryl…I want to kiss you not only in new year’s but…any day…” You chewed on your lip, looking at Daryl, but he wasn’t saying anything. You had tried not to have much hope, and you smiled sadly, leaning to kiss his forehead softly this time. “It’s okay…I understand…” You murmured, and you began moving away, but Daryl stopped you, and then he was leaning in and kissing you again. When he pulled back, you looked at him surprised, feeling like you had forgotten not only how to breathe, but also how to speak and even think.

“Thank you,” you stammered somehow, cringing at your words, why in the world would you say that, but your brain seemed not to be working.

Daryl had seemed more than shy, but that made him snort. “You’re…thanking me?” He still seemed shy, but amused too.

“What?” You shrugged, embarrassed, but Daryl amusement didn’t make you feel bad, even if you were still cringing, and you couldn’t help but snort too. “It was a good kiss, okay? So yeah, thanks, whatever…” You shrugged again, chuckling shyly. Daryl didn’t say anything, seeming shy again as he looked down, but he was smiling softly. “So…” You tried to gather enough courage again. “Does that mean I can kiss you even when it’s not new year’s?” Daryl glanced at you and then he looked down, nodding. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Daryl looked at you, a small smile tugging at his lips, before he looked down again, shy, and you felt as if your heart might burst, but you still couldn’t stop your doubts.

“You’re not saying that because you’re drunk…yeah? And regret it when you are sober?” You asked, trying to sound like you were joking, even if it did worry you.

Daryl scoffed and looked at you. “I ain’t that drunk.”

“Well…you are kind of drunk…” You shrugged, smiling when Daryl rolled his eyes, muttering again that he was not that drunk.

“What about you, uh? You’re drunk too, sure you ain’t only kissing me when you are drunk?” He asked again, but you knew he was just joking shyly.

“I am not that drunk either.”

“You’re drunker than me.” Daryl snorted.

“Yeah well…I’m less drunk than the last new year’s,” you chuckled, smiling at Daryl, he seemed less shy, more relaxed, and it was helping you relax too. “Besides, I told you, I’ve been wanting to kiss you since forever.”

You shrugged…you wished you had kissed him earlier, that you had talked with him earlier, years ago, you felt you had wasted so many years…your feelings seemed to reflect on your face, because you felt Daryl’s hand squeezing yours, and when you looked at him, he arched an eyebrow at you. You shook your head, you didn’t want to think about any regrets at that moment. You chewed on your lip and then decided to just go for it, leaning to kiss Daryl again.

“Still okay?” You asked.

“Yeah…” Daryl nodded, and you smiled at the feeling of his fingers running through your hair as you pulled away. You looked at him, chewing on your lip, feeling almost in awe at the moment and at how all your feelings for Daryl seemed to grow even more, your heart feeling almost too big to fit inside your chest.

“I love you,” you blurted out while you looked at him, couldn’t stop your thoughts from turning into words and escaping your lips, but somehow, you weren’t embarrassed. It was true, and you wanted Daryl to know it. “I love you in so many ways…I love you as a friend, and I love you as family, and I love you as…something more than all that…as in…well…as in I’m in love with you…” You said shyly, looking down, but you couldn’t help your small smile as you said it, your heart fluttering. “So if you want us to be together as more than friends…I’d love that too.”

Daryl didn’t say anything, but then you felt his hands cupping your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks softly, and when he held his forehead against yours you felt as if you might melt. “You know that I…uh…I…”

“I know,” you whispered, nodding, Daryl didn’t need to say anything that he felt too shy to say.

“Love you,” he whispered against your lips, barely audible, before kissing you again, and that time you were sure you were melting.

By the time you pulled back, you couldn’t stop your grin, you hadn’t felt like that in so, so long, that happiness, that giddiness, your heart feeling so full…Daryl seemed shy, but he seemed happy too, smiling bashfully, keeping you close to him, his fingers softly caressing your hair, and it made you feel as if your heart were growing even bigger, as if you could be even more in love.

You shifted closer to him until you were sitting on his lap, and before you could ask if it was okay, Daryl was already wrapping his arms around you, holding you to him. You smiled at him, stroking his cheek and pecking his lips again before you got comfortable lying against Daryl’s chest, no more words needed between you and him.

“What were you watching?” You asked, glancing at the almost muted, old movie on the tv.

“Wasn’t watching nothing…” Daryl murmured, kissing the top of your head, which made you smile again, the butterflies in your belly twirling again. You just hummed, snuggling even more to him, and Daryl reached out for the discarded blanket, wrapping it around you both.

You both watched the old movie, snuggled together under the blanket, Daryl’s arms keeping you snuggled against his warm chest, and every time you felt him nuzzling your hair, your heart fluttered.

“So…” You turned around to smile at Daryl. “It’s past time we went to bed and slept until the afternoon…and you are not staying on this sofa, you are coming to bed with me. You can’t say no.”

Daryl chuckled, smirking at you. “Alright.”

You went to get up but Daryl didn’t let you, instead he placed an arm under your thighs, keeping the other around your shoulders, and he got up with you in his arms, making sure to keep the blanket around you. You giggled, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek, and Daryl walked you both to the bed.

Carefully, he lowered you down on it, and then pulled down the covers for you to get in. You did so, snuggling under the covers, and also making sure to stretch and place the blanket over everything for good measure, nights in the trailer were cold, and you watched while Daryl went to the door, locking it. Then, he turned off the light, leaving the trailer illuminated only by the soft colored light of the candle inside your handmade candle-holder bottle, and then he made his way back to the bed.

“Are you cold?” He whispered.

“No, I’m good…better once you get in here too…come on,” you said, shifting towards the wall to make room for Daryl. He got inside the bed and you tugged at the covers and the blanket, covering you both with them, before looking at Daryl, unsure of what to do… to curl up with him, to give him space…

Daryl seemed shy and unsure too, but then he lied on his back and glanced at you. “Come here?” He whispered and you nodded, smiling as you shifted to snuggle over his chest.

Daryl wrapped his arm around you, holding you to him. He nuzzled your hair before pressing a kiss to your head, and you couldn’t help your smile. “Get some rest…” He whispered, and he began to stroke your hair softly.

“That feels good…” You hummed. “I…I don’t think I’ve ever slept feeling this safe and content…” Daryl didn’t say anything, but you noticed him holding you tighter and kissing your head again. “This really was a new year’s even better than the last one…”

Daryl chuckled quietly. “Yeah…yeah it was.”

“This was the best year I had in so, so long, thanks to you, and you know…” You looked up from Daryl’s chest to smile at him. “This new year is going to be even better, I know it…” A year that started with Daryl and you together as you had dreamed, with him kissing you, you both snuggled together to sleep…yes, it was going to be the best year.

Daryl smiled shyly, and he nodded. “Yeah…yeah, you’re right…it’s gonna be the best year.”

You lent to kiss his lips and then snuggled against his chest, Daryl’s arms wrapping around you, fingers playing with your hair as you fell into the happiest, most peaceful sleep that you had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Who knows if next year I'll write another chapter for them.  
> If you liked this and have time, please let me know your thoughts, your kudos and comments mean the world to me.  
> As always, excuse my english, it's not my first language.

**Author's Note:**

> There it was, my holiday theme fic of this year. I just had this ide ain my head and had to write it.
> 
> How would you feel if I turned this into a series both pre-apocalypse and apocalyptic? Because I have some ideas.
> 
> Anyway…who wouldn’t want to have something like that, someone you could count on and rely on when you needed, when you need to know you have someone who cares, someone to go to when you can’t deal with life anymoer, someone who’d be there for you and lend a hand. To feel less alone in the world. Right.
> 
> Anyway…thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it, please leave me a comment with your thoughts if you have time.
> 
> Next week i’ll be posting my new mini-series, “Warm.”


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